Wednesday, 9 October 2013

The Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup.

For some reason I just can't seem to stop blogging at the moment. If you need to catch up then I wrote about Paris Hilton's new single here, the Sinéad O'Connor/Miley Cyrus feud here and talked about how fit JLS are here. Now you're bang up to date, let's have a look at some recent celebrity stories in an all new Silly Old Daniel Celebrity Roundup... 

1. Madonna trolls everybody for about a minute and a half.


She might already be the reigning queen of erratic Instagramming, but last night for the first time in a very long time, the Queen of Pop returned to Twitter. Unfortunately it was in conjunction with her growing-ever-more-tedious ArtForFreedom project where she encourages people to express themselves through art and post it on her ArtForFreedom website where other people can look at it and feel inspired to do art. Or freedom. Or something. I don't know, I stopped paying attention.

The idea yesterday evening was that people tweeted Madonna with their artwork, in whatever form it was, and she told them what she thought of it. Because if anyone knows art, it's this woman.

She was her usual straight-to-the-point self, not sugar-coating her words or suffering any time-wasters. Here, for example, was her reaction to a poem somebody had written...


And this was her advice for one fan who asked @Madona how he could change the world...


Sensational.

The point when she got everybody talking, however, was with this tweet...


...at which point I very quickly lost my shit. Only for Madonna to then follow it very quickly with this tweet...


"Strumming my ukulele". How graphic.

2. Nicola Roberts parties with her ex-colleagues.


Nicola Roberts used to be in a band called Girls Aloud. They were OK, I suppose. And by "OK" I mean they were "the finest British act to launch in the last 20 years, and every day I curse the day they split and pray it was all a hoax and when I wake up and realise it wasn't all a dream I put on Whole Lotta History and cry until the pain goes away, which sometimes isn't for hours". I suppose.

Anyway, it was Nicola's birthday a few days, and she decided to go to Amsterdam where it's been reported she spent a wholesome weekend taking in the sights, looking round the Anne Frank museum and picking out a pair of clogs to take home to her mam. She also uploaded this photo of herself onto Instagram, partying with fellow Girls Aloud singers Cheryl Cole and Kimberley Walsh, seemingly having her toe sucked by a lady in a gimp mask.


Good, clean family fun.

One member of Girls Aloud notably absent from the party was Sarah Harding. She was interviewed on the red carpet at the Pride of Britain Awards (where, curiously, she was sitting with Jack Whitehall-- are they a couple? Are they friends? What's going on there?) and asked whether she had been at the party, where she confessed the party was "not my scene, darling".

She gets 10/10 for a camp response, I'll give her that much.

Meanwhile, Nadine Coyle was probably too busy being pregnant to do anything except buying designer baby clothes and admiring my hair. Amazing.

3. #breakIntoSomeonesHouseAndStealThereUnderwearDay


Liam Payne, otherwise known as One Direction's answer to Gary Barlow, is not happy. He revealed a few days ago on his Twitter page that while sleeping "butt naked" in his hotel room (my pupils are already like dinner plates but I will continue) he was awoken by mental One Direction fans on his balcony trying to break in...


After, presumably, having said fans removed from the premises, Liam thought the strangeness for the day was over. However, just 18 short minutes later he was back on Twitter, with another mystery to solve...


Yes, it's that age old problem which faces us all at one time or another- someone running off with your underwear when you least expect it.

He went on to explain that earlier that day, he and Louis Tomlinson (who, apparently, is also in One Direction) had been in the sea together (not frolicking gaily, as idyllic as I'm sure that would have been, at least in my head) and afterwards he'd left the aforementioned boxer shorts out to dry on his balcony overnight. There are actually photos of Louis and Liam out surfing together, and it would be rude not to post one, wouldn't it?


Just lovely.

Thankfully, Liam was able to see the humour in it all, cracking this hilarious "LOL BUT SRSLY FOLKS I AM HETEROSEXUAL" funny on Twitter...


Wrong use of "there", but I suppose you don't need to be able to spell when you're that hot, do you?

The mystery of Liam's missing underwear is perhaps something we could solve together. Shortly before Grand Theft Boxers, this photo was taken of Liam, and it is believed to be the last time they were photographed...


...before this paparazzi shot shows him after the traumatic incident, clearly without underwear...


SWEET GOD.

Anyway, I urge the culprit to return the boxers to their rightful owner.


Because it definitely wasn't me who took them. Definitely not. 

Laters!
x

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